Q: Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?
A: A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
Q: What do you get when you cross a ghost and a cat?
A: A scaredy cat!
Q: What do postal workers do when they’re mad?
A: They stamp their feet.
Q: How do you make a fire with two sticks?
A: Make sure one is a match!
Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: A bird that will talk your ear off
Q: What did the alien say to the garden?
A: Take me to your weeder!
Q: What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
Q: Why was the maths book sad?
A: It had too many problems.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Border Collie and a daisy?
Stinker was riding his bike around the block faster and faster showing off to his friends. With each round he became more daring. First of all, he rode round shouting, "Look, no hands!" Then he rode round again shouting, "Look, no feet!" The third time he came round he mumbled, "Look, no teeth!"
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Scold outside, let me in!
Q: Why was it so hot at the baseball game?
A: Because all the fans left!
Q: Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?
A: It ran out of juice!
Q. Why is Cinderella so bad at football?
A. Because she always runs away from the ball!
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
Q: What is an astronaut’s favourite key on the keyboard?
A: The space bar!
Q: What 7 letters did Lennon say when he opened the refrigerator and found it empty?
A: O I C U R M T
Q: What is a spaceman’s favourite chocolate?
A: A mars bar!
Q: What kind of music do planets sing?
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow with a trampoline?
A: A milkshake!
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half, a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.